Thai

This is a post for our Thai (May '97-April '12)

                                          (that day- what I figured would be his last picture)

My DH or shall we say Mr. M brought Thai, the cat, to the veterinarian. This was overdue, as he had been ill for a few weeks. They could tell he was dehydrated (they could feel that his bladder was empty). We knew he hadn't eaten or drank anything in a couple of days. They told him they'd do blood tests and figure out what they could do to help him. His temperature was degrees below what it should have been. They called Mr. M back. They told him the glucose drip and warming blanket had not done what they wanted them to do. The blood tests showed Thai was in renal (kidney) and hepatic (liver) failure. The vet recommended euthanizing Thai. My poor DH. This cat started out as my mother-in-law's cat, but it came to be all of ours. It's funny because I always saw puppies or kittens and said "well, my husband said I can't have one until the cat dies." The cat. At the time, I didn't think of what I'd be losing if he was gone. I thought of him as their cat, not our cat. When Thai got sick, he became our cat. It's funny, you realize how important something or someone is when you're in danger of losing it/them.

                                                 Thai was euthanized April 23, 2012.

First post, newest blog

I've set up several blogs. My first blog was my journey trying to conceive. Of course, it didn't happen. I started my first round of Clomid and had to stop. My back pain had become unbearable. I had to get back on pain medication and I would not risk getting pregnant while on medication that could harm my unborn child. A few months later, I had back surgery to remove part of a bulging disc pressing against a nerve. I thought I could continue trying to conceive, but the pain didn't end. I'm still on the pain medication, I had the surgery February 11, 2010.

After that, I didn't feel like continuing the blog. Continuing to write about a path I was no longer taking.. I just couldn't.

A couple months after the surgery, after the realization that my dreams of a child would have to be put on hold, my world shattered. My oldest brother, my half-brother, my abuser, but my sibling-that I loved, no matter what he did-died. He died in an accident that killed three others, leaving my niece nearly unscathed (physically, that is).

After that, I thought I'd start another blog. I didn't keep up with it though, the pain was still so new. Fresh. Raw. I couldn't talk. I couldn't really put my feelings out there for anyone. I thought I'd be able to express it to myself, just like words printed on paper, but I couldn't. Not for long.

So here I am, starting again. Trying to get those emotions out. Trying to get the words out of my head and into something else. Things I've held inside, only to myself, need to come out. I know they'll still be inside. Somewhere, deep inside, they'll never truly escape. But if I can get them out, sort through them, talk about them.. Well, I think I'll be free of some of the things I feel.