Not sure what the title should be..

So, I'm writing an update. I know no one reads this, I guess it's more of an "I can look back and see my state of mind" thing. I was sent to pain management by the surgeon I'd been seeing since '08. Originally it was because "his schedule conflicted with mine" and when I needed a back injection (steroid) we couldn't find a day that I wasn't working that he could do the procedure. I knew that they were really telling me "we don't really know what's going on and we probably can't help you." These doctors don't prescribe the medications that are deemed necessary for patients who don't receive relief by surgeries or back injections. The last injection I had was at the end of December and it hasn't helped. I didn't want to go to pain management. As a pharmacy technician, I'd always been uncomfortable filling medications from these doctors. So to be asked to go to one? I was weary. But I chose one I felt the most comfortable with, not to say I was particularly comfortable. I asked one of my pharmacists about the medication the doctor suggested to put me on once I saw her for the first time. The pharmacist told me if I were to continue my current medication (which contains Tylenol (Acetaminophen)) I'd eventually have issues with my liver. I might be 52 or 78 but I'd suffer for the Tylenol. You are not to exceed 4000mg of Tylenol daily or you'll likely suffer liver damage. But even if you take less than that, over the years, it can cause issues. So she said if I had to continue with pain medication, it would be wise to go with a long acting medication (the one suggested by the MD is a long acting). As a result, I'd be able to use less of my medication containing Acetaminophen. It was not an easy decision. My brother suffered from opiod addiction a majority of his life and although I was already taking a medication that could be addictive, if I were to take on this other, well it's more addictive than the one I was already on. Then I thought of my journey to conceive. I thought of the future and the children I desperately wanted to have. I definitely wouldn't want to be on this medication while pregnant. The doctor told me I had permanent nerve damage and I would likely be on pain medication the rest of my life. Wow. Great. I'll be 26 on July 30. It's a daunting prospect to think of the rest of my life involving opiates. Her nurse practitioner offered more options. I'm hoping a nerve block will work and if it does, I should be a good candidate for a procedure that would burn off the nerve, I'm sure I'm not saying this properly, but I don't fully understand it all just yet. It isn't a permanent fix. They'll grow back. But it can give relief for up to 5 years. Or so I'm told. Long enough to have babies? I hope so. My husband and I are in a good place right now. For a while I felt like there was a bit of distance, though he's my best friend. But I've come to appreciate so much more of him than I ever have before. He's a good man, a good husband. He deserves someone better, I'm sure. But I'm not letting him go anywhere! Lol. He doesn't want to go either. What would I do without him? Have dirty clothes, forget where I put everything, run out of gas, starve and live in a messy house. Ours isn't the cleanest, goodness knows my mom would cringe, but it's mostly my junk strewn about on the table and countertop. But it's more than that. I would lose a man that would make a wonderful father. And a man with a gentle heart. His love is precious to me and I've recently realized just how much. That's all for now.