wow!

Dang, it's been forever! I guess I just vent on my phone, using the 'notes app' on my phone. Who else is reading this, besides myself?

Well, self: DH told me in December that he didn't want kids. Wow. Our relationship had been lacking intimacy for a while but I didn't think there was anything we couldn't fix. But no amount of counseling could "fix" that problem.

I have always known I wanted children. Even as a little girl I knew I wanted to be a mom. I thought I wanted to be a neurosurgeon, nurse, teacher, comedian and pharmacist too. But I KNEW I wanted children. So WHAT THE F¥€# MAN?!

The fact that we were having kids had been established before we got married. I asked if he'd be okay with adoption if I couldn't get pregnant..

It hurt. I knew we'd have to get divorced. I am having kids, with or without help.

I don't hate him. We have a strange relationship. I love him and always will. he told me a few days ago that no matter what, I'll always be his wife.  

I'll write more later.